The other day...

The Hardhat
Originally uploaded by himbly.

I want to try to relate to you what I saw the other day.

It was something that's not quite left my mind and has had me periodically giggling since.

I was hot-footing it to workland the other morning and closing in fast. Whilst crossing the intersection that would lead me straight into my building, I was met by a petite, pretty, serene-looking Asian woman crossing the other way.

She had long, dark hair, was dressed girlishly in a light skirt and blouse. She was perched precariously atop of an old-style, slightly rickity bike. The type of bike that you can hear as it passes you, you know?

Anyway, she was looking nervous.

Clearly the art of bicycle riding and she had not made fast friends. Unlike the MEC-clad cyclists that had blazed past me that morning, she was slightly wobbly...but determined.

Now, none of this struck me enough that I would feel the need to type this on my blog today, except that on her head, where a proper bike-helmet belonged, sat a white hardhat.

And it wasn't sitting right, either. It was kinda migrating to the back of her head, and turned itself around so that the brim was somewhere out of my sight.

And I was in front of her.

As I passed this adorably hazzardous scene (and she passed me) I heard behind me a

YELP

and the squeal of tires.

I tried to think good thoughts for her for the rest of the day.

Go Banksy, Go!

wall
Originally uploaded by himbly.

He did it again.

Banksy

As Moses said to the Pharaoh: "Lego my peeps, yo"

Abraham and Issac
Originally uploaded by himbly.

Okay.

I want to read the Bible, but I'm too daunted with the whole idea of actually ~reading~ the Bible.

I don't want to read the Bible because it's "The Good Book" nor do I want to read it because it's ~A~ good book. I want to read it because so much reference is made to the stories in it.

So I thought this was a good start.

Exodus is really funny in lego form. Probably in book form, too.

Re: my last post

You know...I'm not good at politics.

Yet.

I'm fairly new to this. I've only started reading the news regularly in the past couple of years. I'm not good (yet) at naming events, dates, and names at crucial moments in an argument.

I'm not confident enough to bullshit my way through it, either.

But I do know that he is right.

And I would like to offer some praise to Tony Blair, Londoners and the Brits in general for keeping level heads and thinking to meet with Muslim community leaders in an effort to start understanding.

Mayor of London speaks...

I think this is important to read.

...

The day before yesterday, NASA celebrated another triumph of engineering when they managed to steer their probe straight into a comet.

*SMASH*

Now they have data. Lots.

I have to admit, every time I hear of something like this my first reaction is 'holy crap! nice work, everyone.' because...wow. They ~steered an effing probe into a comet~! Congratulations, Science. Very impressive.

Then I think of all the money that could come from that research to help us here on Earth...but then I think, 'but they ~steered a probe into an effing comet~!'. But still...holy $$$.

and now they're being sued

by a Russian astrologer for tampering with the future of civilization.

and that's funny...but then you've got to think that we've already made some pretty big mistakes here on Earth...is it really wise of us to go up into space and start tinkering there?

Anyway...

If we need proof that things have gone a little weird since the whole comet-slamming thing, I've got some:

1- My new hero Matt Striker.

2- My other new hero Russian Drag Cheater.

3- That anyone cares what Jacques Chirac, Gerhard Schoeder, and Vlad Putin think about British
and Finnish cuisine.

Actually...that last one I don't think anyone but the media (and maybe cooks) care. But...it's funny.

A Retraction

There was a time when...

if you were listening and the wind was blowing the right way

...you could have heard me say, "'Fever' is my fave song and it's impossible for ~anyone~ to screw it up".

I would like to firmly, but very sadly, retract that statement.

Furthermore, I would like to make this retraction retroactive to Madonna's
version of this song.

Thank you.

If you don't stand for something, you'll eat anything....

I'm against fat marriage.

I think it's an abomination and a detriment to our society to allow these buttery little creampuffs to unite under God's pained eyes.

Think of the cost on taffeta! Let alone the injury caused should a piece of support underclothing burst.

As we're all aware, there has been much controversy over gay marriage recently. Consider this: it's all a very clever smoke screen thrown up by the obese community so that they can get married by the rolly polly thousands while we're all watching My Fabulous Gay Wedding. Why else would we care what a homosexual man wears on 'his day'? It needs to be stopped. Marriage is not a right, it's a privilege and the thought that overly portly lovebirds are falling over each other in a slow and sweaty race to get another slice of wedding cake just...well...it's just not right.

I mean...correct me if I'm wrong, but it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Orca. If God had wanted fatties to pair off he wouldn't have covered their genitals with sagging bellies and flabby thighs. It's unnatural because, unlike homosexuality, you don't see ~that~ in the wild.

And, if they do manage to fit 'tab A into slot B' (somehow), the children! What about the children? Watching Mommy and Daddy's deep fried behaviour certainly will reflect in their own lifestyle choices. Some grow up thinking it's okay and acceptable and end up running (ha!) with the greasy torch of their parents within their moist grip. Or, studies have also shown, other grown children of flabby couples have regretted their sweet and sticky formative years (where, I've heard, some were unaware of some 'higher' concepts (ie. the sky) until they entered school...so long they were sheltered under a dimpled umbrella) and advise against it.

Besides...from what I've heard and seen, fat people don't even want to get married. Most find each other as unappealing as the rest of us do. Why should we redefine our definition of the word and holy sacrament of marriage (as a union between a man and a woman...but I'm not sure that includes such characters as jabba the hut and the michellen man) for a small minority of people who wouldn't want to 'get it on' with each other anyway? I mean, if you can't bear to watch someone dance, it's probably worse to watch them sweating and panting above, below, or behind you, your preference is none of my business.

It is an unhealthy lifestyle and therefore harmful that the wishes of the chubby are being thrust into our regular, god-fearing, easy-on-the-butter society. If we accept this then what's next? Monkeys running for office? Robots driving cars? What?

Live Nude Men

Last night I was trained in my second casting session to run a camera.

For my post on the first one see Girls Girls Girls that I wrote...I dunno...last week or somethin'.

Anyway...this one couldn't have been more different than a bunch of 3-5 year old little girls running around with their dresses up. It was a bunch of 21-55 year old men running around with their tops off. See? Complete opposite.

I can tell you the girls were way cuter.

Shirtless men of all shapes, sizes and ages were led into the casting room 3 at a time to audition for a pants commercial and were then instructed to dance to the musical stylings of Mr. Leo Sayer's You Make Me Feel Like Dancing with their hands in the air.

It was all about the belly.

And I was instructed to film them from the nipples downward.

The irony is that this has been #4 in my top ten list of sexual fantasies. It comes right after being bukkake'd by the linguistics department at MIT and a threesome with Charles and Camilla (but Diana's still alive in my fantasy).

It was quite funny to watch half naked men forced to akwardly dance in front of fully clothed men with two women on camera. It reminded me of another fantasy in which I'm in some sort of cross between a night club and a nazi camp.

In the end...I have no idea who they picked.

For the record

Micheal Jackson never molested me, either.

In fact, he never even invited me to Neverland.

WoW

Dear Sir,

As a level 30 Tauren curently residing in The Barrens, I was wondering how many experience points this would get me, considering this would ~have~ to be a 40 lvl quest at least.

Also, I would like to know if there is the chance for a reward of some sort of magic item?

Strength in honour,
Hoots

shoe

shoe
Originally uploaded by himbly.

I had a rock in my shoe all day yesterday.

I was too lazy to take it out, so I called it 'penance'.

I feel cleansed.

Wow! I'm great, I guess!

Your #1 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #2 Match: ISFP

The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #3 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #4 Match: ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #5 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

...a few bad apples...

Wow!

What a huge apple!


It'll be our special secret.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Last night I was at a casting session for 2-5 year old little girls.

(I was there to start training on how to run a camera for these things since it's my friends' business and they're run off their feet at the moment.)

I don't know if these auditions were for a movie or for TV but I do know one thing....piles of little girls dressed up and eager are really really funny.

I ~could~ tell you a ton of stories about what each little girl did that was cuter than the last...but everyone within a 10m radius of me has heard/is hearing/will hear those yesterday, today and probably tomorrow, so I won't do it here. However, I will tell you that if I have a little girl that is in a performance situation, I will put her in pants as it's much more difficult to pull those over your head when you're nervous. I will tell you that now instead of a puppy, I want a daughter...but I realize they're harder to chain up in the backyard. I also will tell you that little girls really enjoy saying 'shit' when their dad says they're allowed.

Can you imagine what my bf had to deal with when I got home?

But most of all, I just wanted to mention this:

The woman who was directing the casting session was quite brilliant at eliciting the response she wanted from each of the little girls. Not all of them did what she asked, but she achieved a much higher success rate than I would....so I call it 'brilliant'.

For instance, each little girl was asked to perform a song. If they seemed they would sing with a little bit of encouragement, the casting director would start singing (ABC, Itsy Bitsy Spider, or even songs she didn't know) wrong and the girls would not be able to help correcting her by singing the song in full. So it would go like this:

CD: "oh! Itsy Bitsy Spider is my favourite song! It goes like this:

Itsy Bitsy Elephant
Went down the wall
And it started to rain..."

kid: "nooooo! It's like this..."

And she would stand up and sing the song as well as she could...~with~ the actions.

Watching this, it finally hit me.

I've never grown past that stage of development.

Jesus, I've only ~just~ grown past the lifting my dress when I'm nervous phase!

benedictxiv.com

Yeah...

We all know, so I didn't bother saying anything about it.

But this is funny.

Lord of the Flies

The newest sensation from those who brought you Riverdance...

kidding


I just finished reading William Golding's excellent book Lord of the Flies...after months and months. It didn't take that long because it's at all a bad book...on the contrary, it's a great book. It took that long because I've developed into quite a lazy reader these days.

There were even times I was as gripped by it as I have been by WoW. Believe it.

At any rate...if you've read it, test your knowledge with this.

Maradiaga (Honduras) to win...

...Germany to place and Italy to show.

Looks like someone's beat me to it.

Anyone else got any bets? That's mine above.

I guess you could call me a misanthropope...

Lauren Bacall recently made a statement:

We live in an age of mediocrity. Stars today are not the same stature as Bogie (Humphrey Bogart), Jimmy Cagney, Spencer Tracy, Henry Fonda and Jimmy Stewart.

How true.

She, of course, was talking about entertainment. But the truth in that statement extends far beyond.

I'm sure she knows that.

Perhaps it's crass to bring this up before the poor old man is even carried to his final resting place, but *shrug*. More and more as famous and important people waltz off this mortal coil, the reaction has become less actual mourning as much as it has been made into a cultural event in which ~everyone~ wants to say they played a part. And, more and more as we move deeper and deeper into the age of communication and information, we are able to use television, radio and the internet to whip ourselves up into a froth of anticipation, sorrow, or commiseration faster than you can say, 'papal election'.

There are simply not as many real mourners out there as there is people making a show of mourning.

Currently, I am thanking whatever omnipresent being there is that allowed me the foresight to not have access to television for this event. It's all I can take seeing as much as I have. The media circus started days before he even died -my god- and reported to the world every cough and wheeze that escaped him. There's only so many candlelight vigils a person can watch before you either want to tear your hair out or book a ticket to Rome. And millions of people chose the latter simply because they were told others were doing it.

Now (what prompted my writing this) what I hear is rumblings he ought to be named Pope John Paul II 'The Great'. 'The Great'? The only 'great' thing he did was to survive the Vatican for 26 years...which ~was~ a feat considering his predecessor lasted only 33 days. Of course, it's not as insane as when Diana died and people were calling for her to be sainted in the Church of England, but it's still pretty insane.

(That's where my comparisons of the Pope and Diana will end since the Pope was an infinitely more important and influential person than a silly jet-setting princess.)

Anyway, John Paul II was not a 'great' pope.

As a man, he was unusually ambitious, academic, and committed. He would have to be, they don't pick you if you're not. The top banana of the Holy See is a position of unique power and authority. Mediocre men do not reach this position as they can as heads of other governments and royalty. But the title then affords you the ability to ~not~ grow, to not cater to the needs of your people, to meddle where you like and not not respond to situations to which you don't want to respond. Once you're there, you're there...

So, he was not a great pope, nor was he a great man. And I'm not saying that disrespectfully, there are very few real 'great' men and women. That's why they're great...because it's rare. He simply was not one of them. He did some good work, but not enough for me to fall to my knees clutching a rosary and trying to get through to Air Canada on my cell.

(He was also not a holy man. As an ex-Catholic, I cannot see one shred of connection between the Vatican and anything that is ~actually~ holy. But...that's me.)

'Great' as a title can only come to men and women who have gone above and beyond the call of duty. John Paul II did not. To 'splain:

One of the main jobs of the Pope is to promote the Catholic Church. A pope travels, meets people, performs mass all over the world in a grand scale attempt to keep Catholics catholic and make non-catholics catholic. The pomp and circumstance that surrounds the Catholic church and it's rituals is one of the world's oldest forms of propaganda and advertising. Check an art history text.

It is true that JPII was directly involved with the fall of communism in Europe. He worked up the people so that Lech Walesa could do his thing so that Mikhail Gorbachev could do ~his~ thing. It was important and changed the lives of millions upon millions. But, it wasn't altruistic. As pope it was his job to sniff out the opportunity to regain millions of Catholics lost to communism. He was the right nationality, in the right place at the right time. Good job, but it would have happened with or without him.

So, yeah...but no.

A truly great man and a truly great pope would reform the church. He would try to drag it closer to the 21st century and address the issues of today in a more rational manner. It's relatively important to us in North America and Europe, but we forget the grip the church has on third world and developing nations and how it's absolutely vital to the people of those cultures that it act with logic and caring. The pope was vocal in STILL condemning birth control and masturbation as mortal sins while these countries sink under the weight of the problems brought about by overpopulation and HIV.

And of course, a truly great pope would have tackled the issue of rampant pedophilia within it's clergy and tried to save thousands of children from it's own predators. Instead, he allowed these men to be nuzzled within the safety of the Vatican, moved from parish to parish with no regard for the children they were to meet next. As Christopher Hitchens referenced Maureen Dowd:

I should say now that I think she put it best of all. A church that has allowed no latitude in its teachings on masturbation, premarital sex, birth control, and divorce suddenly asks for understanding and "wiggle room" for the most revolting crime on the books.

But, in this age of communication at the speed of light, media as the center of everyone's attention, and news of events that can now reach almost anyone in the world, it is easy to forget all the important things a person ~hasn't~ done and lift up their achievements so that they seem to have reached such heights that the world almost deifies them. We seem so badly want ~something~ and we rush toward whatever we can to lose ourselves in it.

Whatever.

I, for one, am very curious as to who's up next. I'm thinking of putting bets on it. Anyone with me?

Awww...hell...

In the interest of making this blog more pleasing to my eye, I tried on some different templates.

And lost all my links...

So...does anyone remember what I had, even?