Thursday, June 09, 2005

If you don't stand for something, you'll eat anything....

I'm against fat marriage.

I think it's an abomination and a detriment to our society to allow these buttery little creampuffs to unite under God's pained eyes.

Think of the cost on taffeta! Let alone the injury caused should a piece of support underclothing burst.

As we're all aware, there has been much controversy over gay marriage recently. Consider this: it's all a very clever smoke screen thrown up by the obese community so that they can get married by the rolly polly thousands while we're all watching My Fabulous Gay Wedding. Why else would we care what a homosexual man wears on 'his day'? It needs to be stopped. Marriage is not a right, it's a privilege and the thought that overly portly lovebirds are falling over each other in a slow and sweaty race to get another slice of wedding cake's just not right.

I mean...correct me if I'm wrong, but it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Orca. If God had wanted fatties to pair off he wouldn't have covered their genitals with sagging bellies and flabby thighs. It's unnatural because, unlike homosexuality, you don't see ~that~ in the wild.

And, if they do manage to fit 'tab A into slot B' (somehow), the children! What about the children? Watching Mommy and Daddy's deep fried behaviour certainly will reflect in their own lifestyle choices. Some grow up thinking it's okay and acceptable and end up running (ha!) with the greasy torch of their parents within their moist grip. Or, studies have also shown, other grown children of flabby couples have regretted their sweet and sticky formative years (where, I've heard, some were unaware of some 'higher' concepts (ie. the sky) until they entered long they were sheltered under a dimpled umbrella) and advise against it.

Besides...from what I've heard and seen, fat people don't even want to get married. Most find each other as unappealing as the rest of us do. Why should we redefine our definition of the word and holy sacrament of marriage (as a union between a man and a woman...but I'm not sure that includes such characters as jabba the hut and the michellen man) for a small minority of people who wouldn't want to 'get it on' with each other anyway? I mean, if you can't bear to watch someone dance, it's probably worse to watch them sweating and panting above, below, or behind you, your preference is none of my business.

It is an unhealthy lifestyle and therefore harmful that the wishes of the chubby are being thrust into our regular, god-fearing, easy-on-the-butter society. If we accept this then what's next? Monkeys running for office? Robots driving cars? What?

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