Monday, April 24, 2006

belated wishes


playboy
Originally uploaded by himbly.
Firstly, if you're idea of success is in a picture attached to this post...eat a dick.

Yeah, I know. I know. He's rich. They're beautiful. Blah. Blah. Fucking blah. Look closer. See what's missing? Aside from clothes? Uh...souls.

Yes, indeedy do-dah..it's Hef's 80th. Apparently he celebrated in his usual creepy style with a lingerie party. Who does that who's not grody? Let's make that set of x, where x is an individual, x throws lingerie parties, and x is NOT grody a little smaller. Who does that when they're 80 and is not grody?

These blonde ladies pictured with Hef...these ladies are his girlfriends. Joe Rogan once said that he's got so many girlfriends because they require a support group in order to be with him (paraphrased). Considering that between the time when I heard JRogan say that until now, Hef has gotten older and Hef's gf brigade has tripled in size! I would say that JRogan was pretty accurate in his musings.

So, I checked out his b-day greeting website. You can find it here, filed under depraved lameness. If you are so inclined, I would ask you permit me a few words before you go zooming off to The Grotto.

Please please please check out the birthday greetings. They come in three flavours: celeb, centerfold, and girlfriend.

*ahem*

The celeb Hef-80-barfday-greeting was enlightening. It was eyeopening. It was wonderful. Because if I ever thought that these people were better than me somehow....I've proved myself wrong and I can continue holding my head high.

My friend once said, 'money does not buy class'. Now, she was talking about Calgary during times of the Stampede or the Red Mile, but I found it to be extremely profound and carry it as I do so many proverbs. Let me tell you, it applies here. You only need to see Paris Hilton and her birthday song/wish to understand what I'm talking about.

The centerfold Hef-b-day-wish vid was also something to behold. To sum it up:

Hef, you are amazinggg

Hef, I love you

Hef, you've done more for me than anyone

Hef, you gave me a personal masturbation tool


Oh? He did more for you than anyone? So...he sent you to school, did he? Encouraged you in artistic endevours? Helped you find your true self?

Or did he plaster your tits all over his shitty magazine and use you for eye/handcandy at his grotto parties?

And what is an 80 year old man giving a 20-something girl a 'personal masturbation tool' for? Name anywhere else that would be cool. Anywhere.

Okay..and so what if he does show pics of these girls boobies? What's the big deal? It's not like these women are ruined afterwards, that's true. It's not like they aren't doing it completely willingly and getting quite nicely compensated for any pains taken.

I just hate that he gets glory for this. Everyone in the g-damn world thinks this guy is the cat's pyjamas because he knows how to exploit the beauty of the women who let him. Yeah, so does Larry Flynt...but Larry Flynt doesn't try to come off as some sorta high class guy.

And Hef is not some sorta high class guy because money does not buy class.

I'm not even going to talk about the girlfriend's vid...good lord, it kinda speaks for itself.

Oliver Stone says in his b-day wish that Hef is a man that lives his dream and he (Stone) is in awe. Yeah, me too, Ollie...me too.

3 comments:

jodi said...

Ohdeargod I can't believe you made people look at that. I couldn't tear my eyes away even though I wanted to tear them out. Also, look closely at that picture up there, did you notice that except for the girlfriends, everyone else's lingerie is painted on? Gross. Now that I've seen it I can't unsee it.

Himbly said...

hehehe...it's hef's fault first!

I know! They mention it in the website. Sometimes I think I do things ~just~ to get angry.

eener said...

i love your rants.
hard core.

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